Humiliation in it’s most deadly form.

Written by

Andrew Millar


July 15, 2009

I have to admit that today’s Bleat contains a commercial plug.

I won’t make it a habit but I was impressed by their willingness to help solve problems that I am moved to give them a shameless plug. So if you want a car, Nissan or Mazda, take a cruise up the freeway to Jarrett Motors.

And here’s why…

My own car was in for a 40,000 kilometre service and and I remarked that the low level coolant light was always on. Well, they replaced the coolant bottle, the indicator switch and the entire radiator, no charge… they fitted new spark plugs (and the RX8 plugs are nearly $70 each x4) no charge… and they lent me a car for two days… no charge…

I can’t do anything but recommend their service…

Now it is actually the loan car that is the inspiration for this Bleat, because while driving it I suddenly realised where the Government’s current Hoon Laws are falling far short of being effective.

The loan car I had was a Nissan Tiida, dubbed the Nissan Tedious by me (Advertising slogan: ‘It’s just a car.’) Apparently it should have been called the Nissan Recall for the number of times the factory has brought them back to fix the rubber band they call an engine.

It wasn’t actually that bad. A bit like driving around seated on a church pew, though. And it had the kind of acceleration that has you thinking that on the journey from 0 to 60 kilometres per hour you are quite likely to celebrate at least one birthday. But once you had it rolling, as I did between here and Victor Harbor, it held the road well. Actually it needed to because I didn’t want to brake for any corner. It took so much of my life trying to get back to a safe highway speed, I didn’t want to use the brakes except for a dire emergency.

And, most of all, people looked differently at you at the traffic lights. They seemed to say ‘Poor man. Life just hasn’t worked out quite the way you planned it, has it?’

And here is the idea that those looks inspired.

Currently the State Government is trying to put a strong face to the public claiming it will deal with Hoon Drivers by crushing their cars. And I just don’t think that’s going to work because it fights the ‘violence’ of irresponsible driving with another violent act. That won’t solve anything except lay the foundations for urban warfare.

And in any case, all they will do is go out and buy another car after theirs is reduced to the size and function of a coffee table.

What we need to employ is a more potent, targeted, effective weapon than aggression.

We need humiliation… in all it’s fury.

What will work is a law that says, get caught for Hoon Driving (however you define it) and your license is stamped… ‘Only eligible to drive a stock standard Holden Barina.’… and let’s make it a purple one at that.

There you have the solution. Drag racing is about ego and adrenalin. A four door standard Holden Barina with an AM radio, wind down windows and plastic hub caps will deliver neither of these fuels for irresponsible driving.

I have picked the Holden Barina for two reasons… it is several rungs below the Nissan Tedious when it comes to emasculating a male driver… and we support the State at the same time because GMH could do with the extra unit sales. Neat thinking huh?