An open letter to the airlines…

Written by

Andrew Millar


December 1, 2008

To whom it may concern…

I understand that you are considering allowing passengers to make mobile phone calls from private phones during domestic airline flights.

If this is the case then I beg you to reconsider, as the results could be catastrophic to say the very least.

You see, I am one of a growing number of Australians who suffer from a mental condition known as Claustrophoneia. This is an acute condition that causes the sufferer to react violently when trapped in a confined space with someone who is mindlessly talking on a mobile phone.

The resultant behaviour often manifests in physical aggression. Involuntarily, the sufferer is compelled to grab the offending phone and seek immediate relief by rendering the said phone useless… usually by dispatching it through the nearest window….

……at 35,000 feet you see my problem.

And as I previously stated, I am one of a growing number of people becoming violently intolerant of invasive, irrelevant prattle. Claustrophoneia is on the increase.

So until such time as we have a cure, or possibly an all encompassing code of etiquette that can be administered as a suppository to the person with the phone, I suggest you continue with the ban on in-flight calls.

Sirs, honestly who would it inconvenience? Surely with the short distances between the cities in Australia people can sacrifice a small moment of their social agenda to secure the lives of a plane load of people. It is an honorable sacrifice to make. To repurpose a well-known expression… ‘Never before have so many, owed so much, to so few’….

And besides letting people make calls mid-flight would all but remove that scramble to make the all important ‘I’ve just landed’ phone call once the all clear has been given by the pilot… and I am always rather amused by watching that.

For the sake of Claustrophoneics everywhere, please leave things as they are.

Yours etc…

Andrew Millar